《Modern Romance》是一本由Aziz Ansari / Eric Klinenberg著作，Penguin Press出版的Hardcover图书，本书定价：USD 28.95，页数：288，特精心从网络上整理的一些读者的读后感，希望对大家能有帮助。
《Modern Romance》精选点评：
●Easy read. Nothing surprising. Systematic analysis of what makes u single and what makes u commited. Such a funny guy. Enjoyed the narration
●上手还行，后半段就很一般了...
●完全冲着声音喜欢Aziz，有的话还算中肯，但自始自终搞不懂他的voice到底是什么，不过在non-fiction里提到research的各种结果注定会听着像扯淡吧
●短信回复要迅速而热烈，这是新时代的社交礼仪。不过总是态度爱理不理的姑娘让人惦记
●一般吧
●28/100 of 2016. Audio-book. The stand-up comedian style is over-dramatic sometimes, but some chapters present a interesting summary of online dating in the States. I didn't realize that Match.com was founded in 1995, when I was a little pupil knowing little about computer, much less about internet, and much much less about online dating ... LoL
●搞siao
●主要讲现代人怎么维持浪漫关系，留下印象的有：现代人更难找对象但是更有可能找到灵魂伴侣；短信分手；开放关系。虽说请了学者做了访谈，但是全书娱乐性质居多，没什么新内容。音频是作者自己念的，加了好多书以外的私货，有时候挺逗的。不认识作者，随手一搜索竟然发现他今年被米兔了==
●书很薄但是内容很有意思 Warning: this is not a biography!
●可能是我2017年读到最失望的一本书...有声书 Aziz 一直嗨过头，还不怎么好笑；对从focus group里发现的现象分析流于表面，和新闻报道的深度差不多，对于“数字时代的婚恋关系”这个大话题，也未见有什么独到的见地和贡献。想到Aziz为这书还进行了横跨欧美亚几大城市的“调查研究”，不知作为合作者的社会学家 Klinenberg 作何感想。
《Modern Romance》读后感(一)：go out and date a real person!
这本书我几乎是从头到尾笑着听完的，上下班的路上听着Aziz绘声绘色地念着这本书，简直像是在听脱口秀，特别放松。
Aziz Ansari是一个有名的美剧演员和喜剧演员。有一次他给一个女生发短信，在等待女生回短信的过程中，他的心情如坐过山车一样起起伏伏，特别焦虑。这成了他写这本书的动机，他想探讨一下随着科技的发展，在现代社会中，种种新的沟通方式对人们的爱情交友婚姻造成了什么样的影响。一个很有意思的话题，而且没想到Aziz非常认真地找了一个社会学家搭档了起来，做问卷调查，访谈交流，甚至走访了五个国家亲身经历，这本书倒真的讲出了一些很有意思有些启发性的观点。
书中花了很大篇幅讲现代人dating过程中的发短信，形形色色的tips总结起来可以出一本恋爱短信指南了，比如最好的回短信的间隔是15分钟，刻意地不回对方短信并不会让自己占上风；比如发有针对性的短信可以让女生觉得更受重视，不要发笼统的what’s up；Aziz说现在人们都有两个形象，一个是真实，一个是网络世界，在发短信之前可以想象自己真实世界的自己真的会这么说话吗，避免发出去太傻的短信。
我对书里介绍的online dating的段落觉得特别有意思。没想到现在美国有三分之一以上的夫妻是通过online dating认识的，只不过人们现实生活中往往羞于承认这点。match.com完全影响了现代人找对象的方式，而新兴的tinder更是把online dating和好玩有趣的形式结合在了一起，更迎合了现在年轻人的喜好。相比于五十年前的夫妻，有非常多的比例都来自于同一个社区，现代人可以认识来自世界各地的各种各样的人。这种无限的可能性一方面增加了人们找到最理想另一半的可能性，另一方面也反过来让人们迷失 - 当每天走在街上每次打开手机刷着社交网络，都能看到好多迷人的优秀的异性时，大家着迷于寻找的过程，总相信前面还有一个更好地人等待着自己，而不愿意在眼前的这个人身上投入过多的时间和感情。
在书中，我读到了很多我觉得很正的恋爱观，比如“当坠入爱情的时候，并不是因为ta长得什么样子或者喜欢哪个电视剧或者爱吃哪道菜，而是当我和ta一起看电视剧一起吃一道菜的时候，是世界上最快乐的事情“，比如”不管虚拟世界里看起来有多少精彩纷呈的选项，我们都不要忘记屏幕后面的真实的人。与其花好多小时浏览网络寻找下一个选项，不如和真实的人在线下度过一些quality time好好地了解对方“。
总之，真实有趣是我对这本书的评价，Aziz用这种幽默的方式让人们反思现代社会的婚恋是个很不错的尝试。好啦，大家道理都懂了，go out and date a real person!
《Modern Romance》读后感(二)：缺少新意，更缺少深度
会知道这本书，是因为Goodreads的推荐。这本书在其2015年非虚构类作品的投票中，得票最多。因此，我是带着满心地期待来看这本书的。前言加深了这种期待，在前言里，作者写了他写这本书的动机，一个女孩不回他信息给他带来的焦虑。这让我觉得，这会是一本探讨这个时代，信息技术变革带来的新的交流方式对于爱情的影响。结果，发现我想多了
最终，我没有读完这本书。一般来说，读一本书，哪怕仅仅是为了“读完”，我也会读完。我努力过，我读完了第三章，有点读不下去，不愿放弃，就跳到结尾读那个长长的总结，然后又读不下去了，然后逼着自己读了最后一章，实在不想读了。
读不下去的原因，是觉得这本书了无新意，书里提到的种种观点好像在不同渠道都接触过。如果作者能就这些观点深入下去，会挺吸引人的，可也只是蜻蜓点水般的提到了某种观点，然后就转向了下一个话题。
平时“碎片式阅读”已经够多，不需要读书时也是如此。
（会有这么些吐槽，大概是书里所涉及的问题，我没有认真思考过，共鸣就少很多。如果对这书感兴趣，可以先看看总结，那里涵盖了本书的基本观点。毕竟不是侦探小说，先看看结论也无妨。）
摘录一些书里读到的观点：
1.People will go as far as they have to find a mate, but no father.
（几十年前的人大多如此。）
One reason it’s hard to imagine marrying the people we grew up with is that these days we marry much later than people in previous generations.
You have other priorities as well: getting educated, trying out different jobs, having a few relationships, and, with luck, becoming a more fully developed person.
2.At first, swimming through that ocean may seem amazing. But most modern singles quickly realize that it takes a ton of effort to stay afloat, and even more to find the right person and get to shore together.
（的确，我们有了更多的选择，无论是好是坏，我们都回不去了。）
3.The fact that your interactions on your phone can have such a profound effect on people’s impression of you as a person makes it clear that you basically have two selves now--your real-world self and your phone self.
（多少人，只认识手机屏幕里的那个你，在中国，是朋友圈里的你。）
4.When you think about people more, this increases their presence in your mind, which ultimately can lead to feeling of attraction.
(还没得到的，总是容易引起人更多的遐想,可为什么呢？）
asically, we see something as more desirable when it is less available. When you are texting someone less frequently, you are, in effect, creating a scarcity of you and making yourself more attractive.
5.Why do we all say we preder honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others？
6.Why get married at all？
7.Marriage has become a status symbol--a highly regarded marker of a successful personal life.
（结婚的成本越来越高，自然是如此。）
8.People have strong strivings to build something, to do something, to leave something behind. And of course having children is one way of doing that.
（孩子）
9.People are stuck on what’s normal, what’s reight, what’s wrong. May be what’s right to you is wrong to me.
10.Finding someone today is probably more complicated and stressful that it was for previous generations--but you’re also likely to end up with someone you are really excited about.
（为了这多出来的，可能永远不会实现的可能性而承受这一切，值得吗？值不值得，已经是如此了。）
11.History shows that we’ve continually adapted to these changes. No matter the obstacle, we keep finding love and romance.
（唯一不变的，是变化，或许，还有对爱的追寻。）
《Modern Romance》读后感(三)：书籍概要 - 趣味横生，也许就是我们现代的追爱之路
INTRODUCTION CHAPTER 1 SEARCHING FOR YOUR SOUL MATE
CHAPTER 2 THE INITIAL ASK CHAPTER 3 ONLINE DATING CHAPTER 4 CHOICE AND OPTIONS CHAPTER 5 INTERNATIONAL INVESTIGATIONS OF LOVE CHAPTER 6 OLD ISSUES, NEW FORMS: SEXTING, CHEATING, SNOOPING, AND BREAKING UP CHAPTER 7 SETTLING DOWN CONCLUSION
SEARCHING FOR YOUR SOUL MATE
DOUGHNUTS FOR INTERVIEWS:EMERGING ADULTHOOD:THE LUXURY OF HAPPINESS:found someone unique, not just someone who was pleasant to start a family with.In the early 1960s, a full 76 percent of women admitted they would be willing to marry someone they didn’t love. However, only 35 percent of the men said they would do the same The soul mate marriage is very different from the companion. Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. Taking time to develop ourselves and date different people before we get married helps us make better choices(离婚率更低 We’re in a hallway with millions of doors Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket.THE INITIAL ASK （首次约会）
the rise of the text messagethe modern bozoflakinessStraight White Boys Texting has become a hub for women to submit these horrifying (and often hilarious) texts that guys have sent them.the generic hey textthe secretary problem(约不到见面时间)the endless back-and-forthsince they have less patience for constant text exchanges.grammar/spellingARE WE “HANGING OUT” OR GOING OUT ON A DATE？(大胆表明 -而不是hangout这样模棱两可的)the good textsA FIRM INVITATION TO SOMETHING SPECIFIC AT A SPECIFIC TIMESOME CALLBACK TO THE LAST PREVIOUS IN-PERSON INTERACTIONA HUMOROUS TONEthis is just the beginning> dangerous territory because some dudes go too far or make a crude joke that doesn’t sit well, but ideally you both share the same sense of humor and you can put some thought into it and pull it off.> Don’t text back right away. You come off like a loser who has nothing going on.The amount of text you write should be of a similar length to what the other person has written to you.the science of waitingthe power of waitingwhat we do when we are interestedwhat we do when we aren't interestedONLINE DATING
the rise of online datingonline dating todayonline dating and thin marketsthe problems with online datingMOST PEOPLE STINK AT ONLINE DATINGPROFILE PHOTOS:woman, straightforward smiling pic and more “flirting to the camera”man, not smiling and are looking away from the camera.straightforward “selfie,” shot down from a high angle with a slightly coy look.for woman, the high-angle selfie is by far the most effective. Second is in bed, followed by outdoor and travel photos. At the lower end, the ones that are least effective are women drinking alcohol or posing with an animal.for men, the most effective photos are ones with animals, followed by showing off muscles (six-packs, etc.), and then photos showing them doing something interesting. Outdoor, drinking, and travel photos were the least effective photo types.MESSAGING STRATEGYalgorithmspeople spend way too much time doing the online part of online dating, not the dating part.to keep their messaging to a minimum and to meet the person in real life as quickly as possible.swiping: tinder and beyondSwipe apps like Tinder definitely seem to be where online dating is headed.“Tinder: The Shallowest Dating App Ever？”（reliance on purely physical attraction）USING TECHNOLOGY TO GAIN ROMANTIC FREEDOMCHOICE AND OPTIONS
THE “BEST” ROMANTIC PARTNER？THE PARADOX OF CHOICE IN RELATIONSHIPSLIMITED OPTIONS:select from fewer options, as older generations did, actually make us happier？ANALYZING OUR OPTIONSOUR BORING-ASS DATESYou have coffee, drinks, a meal, go see a movie. We’re all trying to find someone who excites usTHE EFFECTS OF NON-BORING-ASS DATESParticipation in Novel and Arousing Activities and Experienced Relationship QualityMORE BORING-ASS DATES？to meet as many people as possible instead of investing in a relationshipin most dating contexts, a person’s “mate value”(impression of how attractive someone is, based largely on things like looks, charisma, and professional success) matters less than their “unique value.”something uniquely valuable in everyone, and we’ll be much happier and better off if we invest the time and energy it takes to find it.INTERNATIONAL INVESTIGATIONS OF LOVE
巴黎朋友的玩笑：back-and-forth simply didn’t exist - He would write . . . ‘Fancy a fuck？’” - write yes or no depending on whether I fancied one or not.”作者考察了东京（不浪漫的年轻人？）和布宜诺斯艾利斯（最适合约会的TOKYO:HERBIVORE MENA RICE COOKER AS A PROFILE PIC: WELCOME TO ONLINE DATING IN JAPANA dating profile is a kind of advertisement, a way of marketing yourself to prospective partners. But this attitude doesn’t really fit well with Japanese culture.MACHIKON AND GOKONgokon, where a guy invites a few guy friends and a girl invites a few girlfriends, and the group goes out for dinner and drinksIn machikon men and women pay to participate in a huge, roving party filled with hundreds and hundreds of singles who wander through a neighborhood’s bars and restaurants.THE RELATIONSHIP REPLACEMENT INDUSTRY: EGGS, PROSTITUTES, AND SOAPLANDBUENOS AIRES:Casual sex was, predictably, everywhere. In Argentina women in relationships often have a chongo, which literally means “strong man” or “muscleman,” but is also a catchall term for a casual sexual partner, one that can refer to a friend with benefits, a regular hookup, or someone whom you’re seeing on the side while in a serious relationship.OLD ISSUES, NEW FORMS: SEXTING, CHEATING, SNOOPING, AND BREAKING UP
sextingcheatingBREAKING UP IN THE PHONE WORLDEXES LIVE ON IN THE PHONE WORLDSNOOPINGHOW PREVALENT IS CHEATING？FRANCE:an optimistic expectation that most people will remain faithful to their partner, but actual data show great numbers of people will not.by far the highest tolerance for extramarital affairs is—no surprise here—France,SETTLING DOWN
FEAR OF SETTLING DOWN, FEAR OF SETTLING PASSIONATE LOVE AND COMPANIONATE LOVE DO YOU NEED TO GET MARRIED？
in most developed nations, marriage rates have dropped precipitously, leading some to wonder whether it is a dying institution“marriage has become a status symbol—a highly regarded marker of a successful personal life.”4successful marriages can make people live longer and be happier and healthier than single people.Good marriages also bring people more financial securityMONOGAMY, MONOGAMISH
CONCLUSION
作者写书背景： teaming up with an eminent sociologist, interviewing hundreds of people, consulting the world’s foremost experts on romance and relationships, conducting fieldwork in five countries, and reading a mountain of studies and books and news articles and academic papers, what exactly have I learned？
老式爱情： marrying some girl(with no time to develop or pursue her own interests.) who lived in my neighborhood in my hometown and pretty young. in previous generations who met someone in the neighborhood and grew to have a deep, loving soul mate–level bond. But there are many others who didn’t
owadays, once you start dating someone, your physical lives aren’t the only things that get entangled; your phone worlds also merge
Treat potential partners like actual people, not bubbles on a screen. Try to say something thoughtful or funny and invite this person to do a nice, interesting thing.
it’s easy to get negative about technology and its impact.其实看个人，要注重见面和谈话内容 Don’t think of online dating as dating—think of it as an online introduction service.
With so many romantic options, instead of trying to explore them all, make sure you properly invest in people and give them a fair chance before moving on to the next one. “Probably because I was busy chasing other options. I didn’t text her and left her to die in my phone.” better off spending quality time getting to know actual people than spending hours with our device
作者最后的陈诉：科技并没有让交友（如soul mate）更难，每个时代有各种的变化，我们需要适应。 Culture and technology have always shaken romance. When the plow came in and made women’s labor value in the family unit drop, it was disruptive. When the car provided a means for people to travel and see people who lived farther away, that was disruptive too. Same with telegraphs, telephones, televisions, and whatever future inventions may come
one day you’ll meet someone amazing, text them a thoughtful message, take them to a monster truck rally, and then hopefully at some point, after a bowl of delicious ramen, make love to them in a Jurassic Park–themed love hotel in Tokyo.
： sexting 色情短信，撩骚 snooping 偷窥 monogamous 单配偶制 conundrums 难题 bozo 笨蛋 OPTIMAL PROFILE PHOTOS 最优解！！